She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
