i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
