if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
