Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
