would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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