Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
