I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
