oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
