Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
