I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
