you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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