She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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