ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
