fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
