you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
