Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
