Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
