K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
