the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
