Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
