Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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