either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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