How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Someone shit on the floor
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
