i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
