My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
