I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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