Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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