I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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