I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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