she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
