i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
