My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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