Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
