When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
