If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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