All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
