I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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