Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
