Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
