By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
