You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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