is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
