Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
