I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
