We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
