it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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