his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
