My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
