isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
