Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
