Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my poor anus
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
