First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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