my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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