so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
